I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
