I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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