one might say we're banned from that church
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
