Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Someone signed my nipple.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
