We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
