Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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