It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
