I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
did i just pee glitter
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
