Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
