nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
