The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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