He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
A bitchslap is in order.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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