just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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