hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
