is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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