woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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