i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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