He is an equal opportunity slut.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
