I think my vagina is haunted
i think i have herpe
just one?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
