he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
