Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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