Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
