Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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