he wants to bone in the snuggie
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
