we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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