I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
