Im at strip club and am horny
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
