oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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