I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
