The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
