It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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