I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
