WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
