is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
