so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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