Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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