so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
