I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
