I'm lost and stupid without you.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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