My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
