Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
