I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
