Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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