Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
