he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
How drunk are you?
Completed.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
