I want to walk on stilts...naked
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
