She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
i think i just lost a toe
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
