Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
