I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
