Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
