i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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